Dating and Sex: Is It Possible To Have One and Not the Other?

Dating and sex, to most, are woven together. But is it possible to date and not be sexually active?

I didn’t see it as much in high school, but now that I’m in college, it’s one in the same. If you’re dating, you are assumed to be sexually active as well. But what if you don’t want to be? What if you’re not ready, or you want to wait a little while before ‘doing the deed?’ It’s 2013, and most are no longer virgins once they reach the age of eighteen. So if you’re not ready, should you just not date?

In my most recent relationship, speculations had arose that my ex dumped me because I wouldn’t ‘put out.’ This was really hard to cope with because, one, we had only been dating a month and two, I thought he cared and respected me enough to just enjoy the time he had with me until I was ready. But nope, he wanted sex so bad that he was willing to dump me and move on so quick I literally had no time to realize what was happening or why.

So now, I’m a bit afraid to jump into the dating pool again because of how prominent sex is in relationships. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex, it’s that I’m not ready. And to find a guy that respects that is REALLY difficult these days. Especially with the raging hormones all over college campuses. It’s come to the point where it’s quite embarrasing as well to admit you are not ready for sex when that’s so much of what is in conversation these days and so much of what is expected. Most guys, sadly enough, get turned off when they find out a girl isn’t sexually active.

There is so much pressure nowadays with the physical aspect of dating that it has become more about that, it seems, than the real purpose of dating (which is finding the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with, enjoying your time with them, falling in love, etc… If you were wondering). It’s surprisingly not about seeing how long your libido will last in a 24 hour period.

Now what? Do I just stay out of the dating pool? Because I am sure as hell not going to ‘put out’ just because that’s what is expected or wanted of me. Is there such a thing as a guy who is willing to wait? Because I definitely haven’t met him yet. So until I do, I guess I just have to be patient because the pressure and worries of being pressured are not worth dating someone who expects me to drop my panties after the first date.

I know too many people who gave it up just because they felt like they had to, to keep their boyfriend by their side, and I refuse to let it come to that. Besides, if that’s what it takes to keep your man, then that guy is a scumbag and is not worth even an ounce of your dignity.

So is it possible to date and not be sexually active? The answer wasn’t an easy one to come to, but I don’t think you can. Not in 2013, unfortunetely. Not unless the guy or girl is a saint. And the term ‘making love’ doesn’t really exist anymore seeing as most of the time you’re drunk and don’t know the person’s first or last name.

Sex has become so lacking in emotion or feeling. Just something one does because it ‘feels good.’ What happened to love? What happened to that feeling of being one with the person you’re doing it with? THAT’S what I want. That’s why I’m willing to wait because that is how important it is to me.

So in conclusion, I guess I’m stepping out of the dating pool for a while and drying off, because I can’t stand any more horny boys only trying to get with me to sleep with me. Enough is enough. I have more respect for myself than letting that become the acceptable norm.

Thank you for letting me rant.